Things to do in China when you are dying….
I am a believer in synchronicity. I am convinced that external events happen in concert with internal “business” that begs attention. And, I believe, that these seemingly random, unplanned instructional happenings occur with a intuitive precision that defies the laws of chance.
I had been struggling with the writing of this this post for weeks; and then, two nights ago I watched Elizabeth Edwards on 60 Minutes, talk about terminal illness and I knew it was time, ready or not, to type you this confession. First, I will digress a bit (imagine that)….
In high school I remember reading Carlos Castenada’s tales of enlightenment via teachings imparted by a Mexican Socerer named Don Juan. Castenda learned from his teacher, among other things, to live with death over his left shoulder and then passed on the message to us to “live life to its fullest” from one moment to the next. This thinking has helped drive me through enchanted landscapes on an amazing dialectical journey.
Anais Nin said, “People living deeply have no fear of death.” and Issac Asimov made it delightfully simple with: “If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn’t brood. I’d type a little faster.” Ms Edwards, like the Unsinkable Ms Yue, has made a similar decision: she will get on with life. The choice for any of us is the same as hers as we don’t know what will befall us. We celebrate life or accede to dying. She has made the only reasonable decision there is to make. Ms Yue has done the same: Fund raising efforts for her have failed and business associates have stolen money and merchandise that were meant to aid her, but she remains un-embittered. She has days of doubt, but seems well equipped to cast a cold eye on death. She still laughs with perfect abandon.
I have to be honest: It hasn’t always been as easy for me. Last week one of Ms Yue’s relatives, a successful web designer in Hong Kong, died of cancer. He was in his thirties. In the days before his passing the stomach cancer made him so thin that his spirit was kept earthbound only by the weight of his family’s love. This event and contact with five of my students, all in their twenties, diagnosed with various cancers, Ms Yue’s ongoing battle and I often find myself in need of emotional waders. And that is why I have not posted about my battle, until now.
My body’s immune system is too vigilant. My natural defenses have enlisted in a war against healthy tissue and I am an uninvited host of the conflict. Treatments to date have not been effective and it is likely that I will die, and much sooner than I had hoped, from autoimmune disease. It has already claimed a gall bladder, nearly killing me in the process, and is now in the late phases of damage to my liver.
Some of you who know me well are aware that I taught Mind-Body Medicine long before it was fashionable. So, yes, I have been doing those things I should be doing to bring back health and homeostasis. But, sometimes a vessel is just flawed. Jim Fixx a celebrated runner/author died in mid-life of a heart attack owing to his genetic make-up. Many people wrongly viewed his passing as a case against the benefits of jogging. The opposite was true. And I am sure that, like his, my life has, and will be, prolonged by exercise, prayer, meditation and other interventions. But, the inevitable it is just that….
Not long before his death John Steinbeck drove his camper, Rocinante (named for Don Quixote’s horse), across America with his poodle Charley as his companion and penned a wonderful journal during the trip. I have longed to for such a land voyage ever since…
So, rather than lament my fate I have decided to take on a new project: I will be travelling next year to all 22 provinces in mainland China. I will end my trip in Beijing in time for a climb up the Great Wall before the Olympics. I have a fellow writer (he looks nothing like Charley or Sancho…) who will be joining me and we look to do some pretty ambitious things (videos, photo logs, the completeion of Confucius Slept Here….) during our travels.
So, there will be soon another blog that will chronicle the adventure and it will be structured it so it can raise funds, via ads, for various causes while raising global awareness about a China not often presented to you by Western media. Andrew Young said, “It’s a blessing to die for a cause, because you can so easily die for nothing.” And while I am not so grandiose that I think I am creating a noble exit for myself, I do want this time to count for something more than a grand tour of the Middle Kingdom. Like Elizabeth and John Edwards I hope to be of service in the process of fulfilling a dream.
Today I was reminded of Somerset Maugham who thought death to be a dull and dreary affair and I advise you, as Maugham did, to have little to do with it. The new blog will be about China life on life’s terms and about those who choose to live it well.
I will tell you more in weeks to come. Onemanbandwidth will still be here during the trip and I hope you will be as well. For the record: I am in China for the duration and in the interim: I am typing as fast as I can…
Posted 31 March, 2007 in Personal Notes, The League of Extraordinary Chinese Women, cartoons, 中国, Travel in China, The Great Wall, American Poet in China, Cancer Journal, Asia, Asian Women, China Expats, China Editorials, China Olympics, China Cartoons, Videos
12 comments to “Things to do in China when you are dying….”
PC, March 31st, 2007 at 7:37 am:
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Lonnie, while it won’t take me weeks of contemplation, I have certainly sat here for a good long while wondering what, if anything, to say. There’s no point in my being mushy, I don’t know you personally, and Lord knows you’ll get enough of that anyway. All I will say is that you have my deepest admiration for for your work, your courage and your outlook.
As a firm believer in the theory of parallel universes, I envisage a world in which there lives a perfectly healthy Lonnie B Hodge who is not planning a deliciously exciting road-trip to ever corner of China; and while I deeply wish I were living in that one, I can’t help but look forward to reading about your adventures.
Good luck to you, and God bless!
PC (aka TaiTai of Sinocidal)
FF, March 31st, 2007 at 1:14 pm:
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Lonnie, I am…. I am without words. After some reflection I’ll send you an email. Until then, I can say this though. Carpe Diem my friend.
Carpe Diem.
FF (aka LaoLao of Sinocidal)
Lucy, March 31st, 2007 at 1:22 pm:
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Lonnie, you walked so fast and was such a brave man. Would like to get you another set of Lucky Pants.
admin, March 31st, 2007 at 1:30 pm:
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Lucy,
Expect some mail from me tomorrow…I have my lucky pants on today actually…REALLY!! Guanxi is on the itinerary and I know the perfect guide to ethnic treasures there…
Tai Tai,
Thanks. I would love for us to meet sometime during the trek.
admin, April 1st, 2007 at 2:35 am:
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Thanks to those of you who wrote personal emails. I will answer you all soon.
In another synchronistic moment: I received this email within an huor of posting my story. She had not read my blog:
Hi Lonnie,
long time no hear- how are you? I have been awful- My 3rd and last surgery turned out like hell. I ended up in the ER about after a week after surgery b/c I was having trouble walking &in excruciating pain. I was sent to the NUEROSURGERY ward for a week to see if meds could . the swelling of my brain ( they discovered I had a small stroke during surgery) then I was sent to a rehab hospital where I was relegated to a wheelchair and had to learn to walk again. I stayed there for a few weeks. most of february. Then last week I was sitting on the sofa with my mom and the next thing I know I am strapped down to a gurney in the hall of the ER. It seems I had a seizure. Now I am freaking out b/c I got really behind in school . Anyway, this is the end of my ranting. Please write when you have time.
love,
XXXXIt is from a former student. Want to know what I love about this email? She is upset, not over her ordeal, but because she has missed school…Wow…
*****
As I expected, this did not come as a surprise to those of you who have been physically close enough to hear the screaming these last couple of years.The VA (trying to dodge a claim*) and other marginal medical entities have done a pretty poor job of diagnosing things and have, by negligence and incompetence, made the condition worse.
I am just glad it is all sorted out.
*FYI: now they claim to have “lost” my records four years into the claim…
PC, April 1st, 2007 at 4:13 am:
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I would be honoured; if you’re stuck for company on any leg of the journey, let me know. Or when you make it to Beijing I’ll volunteer as Great Wall Tour Guide (God knows I’ve climbed the damned thing enough times….though I promise not to try and sell you a hat and 100rmb brochure.)
John, April 1st, 2007 at 5:03 am:
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Lonnie,
While we never did get a chance to sit down over a pint of Guinness, I still hope we can before you head out on your journey.
I understand your pain with the VA. As an vet myself, I know how they can be. The only good news is that their incompetence is now under the public microscope so things, in the short run at least, will be getting better.
Truffles, April 1st, 2007 at 11:10 am:
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Dude…., I will be happy to show some part of France as a complement of your China Tour.
We could have a glass of wine and some truffles…. life is good….
Blogger News Network » The Lost Girls, April 5th, 2007 at 5:14 am:
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[…] a wonderfully crackpot dream the Lost Girls are doing what I intend for the next year in China! Carrying along great hearts, good looks, and journalistic talent hey […]
Onemanbandwidth: An American Professor in China » Blog Archive » The Lost Girls, April 5th, 2007 at 5:43 am:
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[…] a wonderfully crackpot dream the Lost Girls are doing what I intend for the next year in China! Carrying along great hearts, good looks, and journalistic talent hey […]
Michael Turton, April 10th, 2007 at 1:41 pm:
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Words fail me, Lonnie.
Live hard.
Michael
Chris Carr, April 19th, 2007 at 4:34 am:
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Great post, Lonnie.
I can find no words to touch this. Instead, I humbly send good thoughts and prayers tonight to you and Ms. Yue.
Chris.