China: No Country for Compliments
I was at Web Wednesday in Hong Kong last week when a veteran expat in China shared with me a new version of a very familiar story.
My friend spoke of traveling to America with a Chinese love interest. It was the first visit abroad for the Chinese half of the couple. Ans after a few days in the land that invented super-sizing the first time tourist said to my friend, “You don’t seem fat at all compared to other Americans.”
One of the things you will get over VERY quickly in China is the need for validation by students, colleagues or friends. The Chinese don’t give one another a break, so don’t expect one for yourself. Sure, they will hand you a compliment, but….
Even with all of the fawning that goes on with a new foreign male or young female teacher there is always an addendum…. Here are but a couple real ones.
–”Your classes are less boring than the last teacher’s…”
–”I will tell you the secret: many students think you are very handsome, including me. But, you have no muscle. Just do some more exercise. Do you love Tennis?”
–”Here is the name of the girl who is in the hospital. It would be nice for you to call her, but don’t say anything. It might upset her.”
–”Maggie, you are very pretty, even with a big bum.”
And even the the most recognizable foreigner in China, DaShan (pictured above), has his moments. Here is a man who was recognized by the government as one of the most influential foreigners of the 90’s in China. On his personal website he has had to settle for a testimonial from the Chinese media in Shenzhen: “…not the least bit inferior to top Chinese performers.”
My students who, when actually speaking, will often do so using the Papal “We”. They recently told me about an earlier teacher (a favorite topic) who was frustrated that he could not elicit responses from the group: “We think he talked too much and didn’t let us speak.” I asked the group if they thought he may have just not understood that the Chinese idiom, “The nail that sticks up gets beaten down,” was still a social mandate (suspended for criticism of teachers, of course) of which he was not aware. I went on to ask whether or not they thought that he might have been confused or even a bit intimidated and subsequently talked more to alleviate his anxiety. They responded that “all of us think” he should have been more knowledgeable about how to teach Chinese students. And then they went on to criticize foreign teachers for not staying around more than a year at a time–the government mandated length of a normal, albeit renewable, teaching contract.
So, now when they ask me how I like teaching here I say, “We like it. It is good preparation for a career as a correctional officer in an American penitentiary.”