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Posted 2 May, 2008 in American Professor in China, Chinese Education, China Business Consultant, China Expat, Education in China, 中国, Confucius Slept Here, Expats, Intercultural Issues, Teaching in China, China Editorials, China Business, China Expats
The Dream Bash (0)
CultureFish Media will host a one-day trio of charity events
Here are five ways to help the event out:
Come to the tournament and shot for one million dollars (HKD)!!
Come to the digital workshop.
Come to the night event bash with Che’nelle.
designed to raise awareness and generate funds for the China Dreamblogue and its associated charities. The three events (YOU CAN COME TO ONE OR ALL!)include:
1. A One in a Million Charity Golf Tournament,
2. The China Digital Media Workshop,
3. The China Dreambash featuring international hit singer and Capitol records artist Che’nelle.
TICKETS HERE!
Golf, Digitize, and Bash for Charity and shoot for $1,000,000(HKD) in our One in a Million Charity Daytime Golf Tournament:
The China Dreamblogue is the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) arm of CultureFish Media which seeks to create positive information about China and support educational opportunities for Chinese students.
At the fundraising tournament, which includes a one million dollar (HKD!) hole-in-one competition, the China Dreamblogue tournament will include:
- Tournament moderator: PGA pro golfer and 6-time long drive champion Paul Surniak
- A hole-in-one competition in which everyone can participate for one million dollars (HKD!)
- A cool morning tee off time
- Best ball tournament with a four-man team
- Straggler pairing—if you come alone, we’ll place you with a team
- A long drive competition
- The tournament includes caddy, cart, balls, 18 holes, and a shot at one million dollars (HKD!)
PRIZES:
- Grand Prize: 2-person trip to Hainan Island for a weekend golf tour package at famed Yaolong Bay and training from, and golfing with, PGA pro golfer Paul Surniak.
- There wil be an awards Ceremony and Dinner banquet following tournament including sponsor give-aways .
- There is also a 50% discount rate on all luxury rooms if attendees stay overnight or thru the weekend and daytime Discounted Events for non-golfers include spa treatment, saunas, kite flying, pool facilities and massage.
BUS SERVICE FROM GUANGZHOU WILL BE AVAILABLE!!
China Digital Media Workshop:
This half-day workshop will include information on digitization of press releases for professionals who work in SEO, SEM, online and traditional advertising, PR, new media, social networking, blogging, and other Internet-related businesses in China.
Topics and special features include: Myths, realities and benefits of online press releases and PR, trends in digital online ads, current trends in IWOM, reputation management: emerging trends and existing patterns
All speakers lined-up are experts in their respective fields. The awards ceremony and post-tournament banquet open to all conference participants
China Dreambash:
Capitol Records recording artist and international star Che’nelle will perform live.mYou can dance and party until you drop! 2 free drinks and discounts throughout the night with paid admission.
Discount room rates (1/2 PRICE!) will be available for workshop and tourney attendees and those who party hard.
The day of educationa and enjoyment is designed to raise awareness and generate funds for the China Dreamblogue and its associated charities. The three events (YOU CAN COME TO ONE OR ALL!)include:
1. A One in a Million Charity Golf Tournament,
2. The China Digital Media Workshop,
3. The China Dreambash featuring international hit singer and Capitol records artist Che’nelle.
Golf, Digitize, and Bash for Charity and shoot for $1,000,000(HKD) in our One in a Million Charity Daytime Golf Tournament:
The China Dreamblogue is the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) arm of CultureFish Media which seeks to create positive information about China and support educational opportunities for Chinese students.
At the fundraising tournament, which includes a one million dollar (HKD!) hole-in-one competition, the China Dreamblogue tournament will include:
- Tournament moderator: PGA pro golfer and 6-time long drive champion Paul Surniak
- A hole-in-one competition in which everyone can participate for one million dollars (HKD!)
- A cool morning tee off time
- Best ball tournament with a four-man team
- Straggler pairing—if you come alone, we’ll place you with a team
- A long drive competition
- The tournament includes caddy, cart, balls, 18 holes, and a shot at one million dollars (HKD!)
PRIZES:
- Grand Prize: 2-person trip to Hainan Island for a weekend golf tour package at famed Yaolong Bay and training from, and golfing with, PGA pro golfer Paul Surniak.
- There wil be an awards Ceremony and Dinner banquet following tournament including sponsor give-aways .
- There is also a 50% discount rate on all luxury rooms if attendees stay overnight or thru the weekend and daytime Discounted Events for non-golfers include spa treatment, saunas, kite flying, pool facilities and massage.
BUS SERVICE FROM GUANGZHOU WILL BE AVAILABLE!!
China Digital Media Workshop:
This half-day workshop will include information on digitization of press releases for professionals who work in SEO, SEM, online and traditional advertising, PR, new media, social networking, blogging, and other Internet-related businesses in China.
Topics and special features include: Myths, realities and benefits of online press releases and PR, trends in digital online ads, current trends in IWOM, reputation management: emerging trends and existing patterns
All speakers lined-up are experts in their respective fields. The awards ceremony and post-tournament banquet open to all conference participants
China Dreambash:
Capitol Records recording artist and international star Che’nelle will perform live.mYou can dance and party until you drop! 2 free drinks and discounts throughout the night with paid admission.
Discount room rates (1/2 PRICE!) will be available for workshop and tourney attendees and those who party hard.
Offer support as a sponsor.
Can’t come? Still want to be involved? Donate 100 Yuan and someone will shoot for you for the million!!
Just sign up at CFM and we will send details on how to participate from afar…
PRICE LIST:
Tourney (Caddy, Cart, Party, Lunch, Dinner and Million Dollar Shot) 2,500 RMB
Digital Workshop: 1000 RMB (includes lunch) for those in tourney or with sponsor agency (2000 for non-sponsored)
PARTY: 300 RMB Includes two drinks
Million Dollar Hole In One Shot Only: 100 RMB
Dinner–All You Can Eat Gourmet Buffet: 330 RMB
Posted 16 April, 2008 in Chinese Media, Guangzhou, Chinese Internet, American Professor in China, China Expat, Golf Tours, China Golf, Entertainment, 中国, China Sports, China Expats, The League of Extraordinary Chinese Women, China Photos, Top Blogs, Photos, Top China Blogs List
How How Report… (3)
It is generally not my policy to hype off-topic businesses on Onemanbandwidth, but I made an exception in this case.
Ryan McLaughlin of Lost Laowai, Hao Hao Report, Dao by Design and dozens of other sites has reached back to his Canadian roots and come up with what could be a real gem of an online biz.
Following you will find excerpts from what you will soon find at Ryan McLaughlin.us. It is a refreshing change from most “Friend Finder” type sites:
BAG A CANUCK!
Have you dreamed of making love to a Canadian Guy, Aye?
Stop DREAMING and make that fantasy come true!
How to Bag a Canuck” is a 75 page e-book that tells you everything you need to find, attract and seduce a wild bacon bender from the 51st state:
- Where to find enchanting and eligible guys in wool caps in your neighborhood The names of the top ten cities in Canada and China where you are liable to meet dudes with snowshoes, eh?
- How to convince one, without illegal substances, in any country to become your personal Mountie!
- How to dress down to impress
- How to earn his admiration without looking like you are trying too hard and without having to sleep with his friends
- How to get to know him as well as the back of your snowmobile BEFORE you even think of asking him out
- How to write and compose the perfect online dating profile or letter so that he starts chasing you and not the moose in his garden
- What gifts to give him right down to the kinds of cheese and macaroni he would appreciate most
- What you need to know about her culture so that she not only accepts you as a lover but grows to share his sausages
- The Do’s and Don’ts of interracial dating and most…like not fighting over the last bag of pork rinds
- How to talk about the Canadian (ha) Military:
It doesn’t matter if the caribou lover you are longing for is a twenty year old “dog sledder” from Montreal or a 45-year-old six-time divorced business expat from mainland China. Our step-by-step guide for a first date works every time on every Canuck for every culture (and it is not the type of advice you will find in any other book!) Other books will simply give you a long list of suggestions for “creative” ideas for dates. We will tell you why the first date is no time to use your imagination! We will take you step-by-step through the entire First Date Ritual from shaving your nose hairs to how to bait a salmon rig.
In fact, this book asks you to forget everything you think you know about impressing a guy with ear flaps. We ask you to forget your creativity (which just looks like blundering around to a Canuck) and all of your preconceptions (which just looks like racism) by revealing:
- The one most important quality that Canadian guys revere in a partner: body heat
- The all-time worst thing you can do to turn him off in your initial email or communication: insult his dog
- The one physical gesture that will inspire him to have complete confidence in you: OK, now stand back up….
- Why your sense of humor may not seem so charming to him. How to avoid old jokes like What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common? Answer: The taste
Nobody understands snow fever better than the author who knows exactly how unbearable unrequited desire can be! The symptoms include anxiety, restlessness, a preoccupation with Nanook, Sgt. Preston and a longing to tussle between the sheets with a guy wearing walrus boots.
HOW TO DATE A NORTHER (Bag a Canuck) shows you how to understand each and every type of ice grinder – from the mildest to wildest and how they have learned to manipulate those stereotypes to drive you crazy with lust!
Although these men seem mysterious and complex, we will tell you the simple secrets (some of them based on ancient wisdom from his culture like how to make wine in a garbage bag) that will tame these proud beasties and have them eating out of your hand—not that its so unusual, but…. Much of it will surprise you! This book gets right into the psychological blubber of how to seduce him including the most important-
- G (Goose) Spot!
- How to honor every single part of his body from beaver pelt to wool socks including his hair, his neck, his eyes, his hairy, bejeweled lips, his breasts, his muzzle loader, his arms, his legs etc. and capture his love, devotion and sexual lack of imagination forever.
Nowhere, not in a bookstore, on the Internet or anywhere in Ontario will you find a book on how to seduce and bag a backwoodsman as thoroughly, safely (like jumpin’nekked over a bear trap) and psychologically intriguing as this one!
Knowing everything about him, from parka to pup tent, is one of the secrets to unleashing the passionate potential that you just know is lurking inside the Canuck that you meet in every day life — that mild-mannered Canadian that you see working as a Oral (he he) English Teacher or that gorgeous guy sleeping on the park bench. Or perhaps you simply catch a glimpse of a photograph online that simply makes you hold your breath (and maybe something else!)
Stop jerking around and get real about taking the steps necessary to find the hoser of your dreams! We will feel confident about saying that because we know that is exactly what you are doing rather than grasping the fact that a future with a real flesh and blood socialist is completely possible. Keep in mind too that this book was written by someone who understands you and why you may be so much at the mercy of these gorgeous creatures that you can’t seem to find the nerve to take those all important first steps towards promoting yourself as the lunker of his dreams!
- Do Canadians seem mysterious to you? Unattainable or even too good for you?
- Do you surf for wildlife anime as a substitute for a real sexual experience?
- Do Canadians constantly blow you right off when you try to approach them?
There is just no reason to go on single when you can learn to tell jokes like this:
Cold enough, aye?:
0 Fahrenheit (10 C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.
40 Fahrenheit (4.4 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Canadians Sunbathe.
35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian Cars won’t start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32 Fahrenheit (0 C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.
0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-40 Fahrenheit (-40 C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canadians rent some videos.
-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mt. St. Helen’s freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100 Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
Canadians pull down their earflaps.
-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.
-459.4 Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying “Cold enough for ya? ”
-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Leafs win the Cup
You will learn the most important Canadian Holidays:
12-> Lawyers Day
11-> Start of Christmas Season Day
10-> False Labour Day
9-> Make a Move on Your Secretary Day
8-> Hallmark Card Day
7-> Bring Your Handgun to Work Day
6-> Cretienmas or Gomery Inquiry Day
5-> Deadbeat Father’s Day
4-> Bad Hair Day
3-> Doris Day
2-> St. Hooter’s Day
1-> Hash Wednesday
You will learn the subtle differences in speech that will arouse your mate.
You will hear the intonations that make Black pepper, white pepper and toilette pepper unique.
As someone who loves guys from the territories, women you know that they sexually supreme beings who are just as fierce and erotic as the characters you see in Call of the Wild, Norbet Does saskatecewan Sasketchuan, sacatchyouone, Ontario, the silver screen, Northwest Outpost, and Classics illustrated comic books. ..
This book also teaches you the secrets of coming onto him without appearing like a player or a racist including advice on:
- Common Canuck customs : You won’t actually have to light your farts, but it helps to know the customs…
- How to get him to see you as a movie star like Jeanette McDonald…
- How to win the approval of her family: bring Lablatts and act as though you “get” the commercials when they air…
Stop dreaming and make it a reality.
Download coming soon!
Posted 31 March, 2008 in april fools joke, The Sharpest Guy on the Planet, 中国, 中文, China Expat, Ryan Mclaughlin, Asian Dating Site, 中原, Internet Dating, Just Plain Strange, Asian Humor, China Humor, Humor, China Expats, Intercultural Issues, Weird China, China Photos, Expats, China web 2.0
Doing Business in China (4)
Doing Business in China Guide
Part 1
(whew!)
This is our latest series on doing business in China. In these posts, our advice will correspond to the thirty-six strategies designed by the ancient and great Song general and strategist Tan Daoji–that is, we predicate all this advice on never using the 36 strategies as a way to do business in China. We have bookshelves stacked full of expensive kindling labeled “how to do business in China” that we will later use to heat our house.
The first listed strategy is “Deceiving the Heavens to Cross the Sea,” or man tian guo hai(And no, it’s not a reference to a sea-going Dali clique). While the strategy typically involves deception and refers to an advisor who got the Emperor of the Tang Dynasty so drunk and engaged in feasting for three days that the ruler had no idea he was on a boat–akin to the Beijing guides who accompanied press on yesterday’s “Meet the Lamas” broadcast.
Instead of learning to deceive the heavens, your best bet to getting introduced to China is learning some Chinese. Among our billions of dollars of unread books, unopened CDs, and untouched lessons, here are some tools we actually used to learn the language and culture of China:
The Rosetta Stone: though sometimes maligned for its interface, we give props to the English-free interface of the program and its integration of reading of and listening to Chinese characters from the beginning.
FSI language courses: a full and free year’s worth of free Chinese language instruction. This is the stuff the diplomats used to use and despite that it is hands down a great free tool for helping people learn to pronounce and listen to standard Chinese.
Chinesepod: Have a random question about Chinese? Allergic to parsley? Unsure about a specific word for sports? Head for Chinesepod. With a vibrant community of online learners, free daily podcasts, and a great selection of different tools like flashcards and online lesson reviews, Chinesepod’s collective of learners deserves its rock-star status on the net.
Lost Laowai: As always, well crafted by Ryan; Canadian accent comes free of charge, aye.
Berlitz: The only “learn Chinese in 30 minutes!” that actually works.
The next step is to get some culture (God knows we could use a lot more):
Lost Laowai, offers up real-life experiences of expats in China. We are hoping for the reality show to displace “swin in China.”
The HaoHao Report, everyman’s aggregator with Digg-like China focused features.
Panda Passport: Everything about China cyberspace you wanted to know but were afraid you’d get busted for on an IP violation.
RConversation, the most harmonious blend of blogging and citizen journalism on the web.
CDT, all the news from China blocked in China.
ESWN, a blog that brings together news from the East and the West–not the best in its class, but rather a species by itself.
Global Voices: China. The World is Listening. Are you?
China Herald, all the news that fit for bandwidth.
Cal Poly MBA Trip, a blog from the MBA Program with no ballast to throw overboard.
Thomas Crampton, former correspondent for the International Hong Kong International Herald Tribune, Mr. Crampton shares on-the-ground and insider info about the latest web innovations and websphere happenings in Hong Kong and greater China.
Imagethief, named for his photography habits and not for any actual Interpol related activity, is the creator of such marvels as the Stupidvator. a blog to lightens the cargo of the China blogosphere.
China Rises: Journalist and great story teller Robert Johnson: The only chief corresponsdent in China with hand-written instructions and a GPS reporter locator given by Central Government for any coverage of Tibet the Olympics.
China Blog List: a comprehensive guide to the many blogs passing us in the night.
The Opposite End of China: Life’s a Riot, and this blog reports on it. Veteran journalist Manning is as good as it gets and still chooses to farm tomatoes along the silk road.
More to come…
Posted 28 March, 2008 in Charity in China, 中文, Podcasts China, Chinese Proverbs, Chinese Media, Search Engine Marketing, China Book Reviews, SEO China Expert, China Business Consultant, Book Review, 中国人口福利基金会, Cal Poly, 中原, China Law, China Expat, china books, Seach engine Optimization, SEM, Teaching in China, China Editorials, China Cartoons, Intercultural Issues, Top China Blogs List, China web 2.0, Book Reviews, China Business, Confucius Slept Here, Internet marketing China, SEO, Seo China, Chinese Internet, 中国, The Internet, China SEO
Project Happiness in Beijing (1)
The Chinese Apprentice-type TV show ‘Win in China” started with 150,000 candidates, and now only 11 are left. One of them is theonly foreigner to ever make the cut: Henry Winter’s final project for all the marbles involves supporting a wonderfully worthy cause: Project Happiness. The charity’s website: PROJECT HAPPINESS (in Chinese) indicates that it gives micro-loans to needy rural Chinese women starting businesses to supportthemselves. Henry’s task is to rally as many supporters as possible for the cause. He is going to need our help!!
Expats and local residents in Beijing are asked to come by and support Henry and a valuable humanitarian cause at the same time. To assist simply head for the third floor of ShiJi JinYuan Mall, West Third Ring Road (near Suzhou Bridge) in Beijing between 11 and 1 on Sunday the 23rd of March.
Let the games, and good works, begin!!
Posted 22 March, 2008 in Project Happiness, China Expat, 慈善, 慈善事业, 中国人口福利基金会, 幸福工程, 中文, Charity in China, China Business, China Editorials, 中国, Chinese Internet, Chinese Media, China Expats
Anthropology…. (0)
I have been traveling a lot lately and despite 2,000,000+ miles in the air I am not a good frequent flyer. I don’t want to add to anyone else’s fears, but I think flight phobia is a misnomer: I think anxiety over being seat-belted onto a flammable pop can hurtling through the stratosphere at 500 miles an hour is a rational response to an unnatural situation. but I digress…
I recently discovered a temporary cure for in-flight panic: Anthropology by Dan Rhodes. I bought it in Beijing because it contained 101 extremely short works. You see, since I usually re-read (80-100 times) the first paragraph in traditional story collections–in between guesses about the glide ratio of a 757 (about the same as a rock)–during turbulence; I thought a group of one-paragraph tales would be a perfect buy. And so it was.
Anthropology is a collection of fantastic tales about girlfriends real and imagined; micro fiction (10-300 or so words long) that makes breakneck turns from comedy to tragedy and all the way back in a sigh or a chortle; all of them land somewhere in that delightful place between the sad last questions of Pablo Neruda and the joyful madess of Garcia-Marquez’s melancholoy whores.
For once I am delighted to read and re-read pieces like this:
I loved an anthropologist. She went to Mongolia to study the gays. At first she kept their culture at arm’s length, but eventually she decided that her fieldwork would benefit from some assimilation. she worked hard to become as much like them as possible and gradually was accepted. After a while she ended our romance by letter. It breaks my heart to think of her herding those yaks in the freezing hills, the peak of her leather cap shielding her eyes from the driving wind, her wrist dangling away, and nothing but a handlebar mustache to keep her top lip warm.
Hey, do read them: they are lots cheaper than anti-anxiety meds and refills are free.
Posted 16 March, 2008 in Travel in China, American Professor in China, China Expat, Book Review, 中国, cartoons, Humor, Asian Humor, Intercultural Issues, Book Reviews
China: No Country for Compliments (0)
I was at Web Wednesday in Hong Kong last week when a veteran expat in China shared with me a new version of a very familiar story.
My friend spoke of traveling to America with a Chinese love interest. It was the first visit abroad for the Chinese half of the couple. Ans after a few days in the land that invented super-sizing the first time tourist said to my friend, “You don’t seem fat at all compared to other Americans.”
One of the things you will get over VERY quickly in China is the need for validation by students, colleagues or friends. The Chinese don’t give one another a break, so don’t expect one for yourself. Sure, they will hand you a compliment, but….
Even with all of the fawning that goes on with a new foreign male or young female teacher there is always an addendum…. Here are but a couple real ones.
–”Your classes are less boring than the last teacher’s…”
–”I will tell you the secret: many students think you are very handsome, including me. But, you have no muscle. Just do some more exercise. Do you love Tennis?”
–”Here is the name of the girl who is in the hospital. It would be nice for you to call her, but don’t say anything. It might upset her.”
–”Maggie, you are very pretty, even with a big bum.”
And even the the most recognizable foreigner in China, DaShan (pictured above), has his moments. Here is a man who was recognized by the government as one of the most influential foreigners of the 90’s in China. On his personal website he has had to settle for a testimonial from the Chinese media in Shenzhen: “…not the least bit inferior to top Chinese performers.”
My students who, when actually speaking, will often do so using the Papal “We”. They recently told me about an earlier teacher (a favorite topic) who was frustrated that he could not elicit responses from the group: “We think he talked too much and didn’t let us speak.” I asked the group if they thought he may have just not understood that the Chinese idiom, “The nail that sticks up gets beaten down,” was still a social mandate (suspended for criticism of teachers, of course) of which he was not aware. I went on to ask whether or not they thought that he might have been confused or even a bit intimidated and subsequently talked more to alleviate his anxiety. They responded that “all of us think” he should have been more knowledgeable about how to teach Chinese students. And then they went on to criticize foreign teachers for not staying around more than a year at a time–the government mandated length of a normal, albeit renewable, teaching contract.
So, now when they ask me how I like teaching here I say, “We like it. It is good preparation for a career as a correctional officer in an American penitentiary.”
Posted 9 March, 2008 in Chinese Media, 中国, Chinese Education, American Professor in China, Education in China, China Expat, Weird China, Teaching in China, Asian Humor, China Humor, Asia, China Expats, Intercultural Issues, Humor
Festival de año nuevo in Guangzhou… (3)
I have belonged to a Guangzhou expat group on Facebook for some time. It has kept me abreast of new happenings, restaurants and cultural events. though I rarely attend activities: they usually are hosted in clubs where talk is difficult and drinking, with intermittent dancing, is the activity of choice. Too, we dinosaurs from the days of bell-bottoms and idealism have generally been been replaced by the fashionably ambitious and youth-centric; so, it is tough on we professors who age externally, but remain youthful by association. I often find I don’t have lot in common socially with my contemporaries who are not,as I am, witness to ongoing cultural changes and they are more concerned about the price of their medication than the newest application on Twitter. And while I am grousing: I find that too many of the newer arrivals, old and young, are often disgruntled and have half of their clothes packed or half unpacked with plans for a midnight run should the culture get anymore overwhelming. And it is hard to find a good cheeses to go with their familiar whines…
Last evening I headed for a Mexican Fiesta (a $7.00 USD all-you-can-eat Buffet and no party favors) to meet some 30-odd people whose primary connection c was a chance meet-up created on Facebook by a GZ resident. What a testament to social networking, aye?
To my surprise there was not teacher (Isn’t every laowai in China an English teacher?) in the bunch and virtually everyone worked for a foreign company– most for emerging or established IT firms. I met the 30 year old CEO and founder of a German software development firm (who knew this blog–so, he has to be a good guy, right?), a marketer for a Japanese interactive ad agency, another marketing professional from an on-line game company, sourcing agents, a chocalateer and an on-line travel agent among others. What a geekish joy it was to actually talk in English to people loving their jobs, this city and who were bullish about Guangzhou being “the place to be for IT” in the future. I have been shouting that for two years and the voice back this time was not an echo…
One surprise: a Chinese student, of two years ago was in attendance. She quickly had the group eyeing me with suspicion as she told them how strict I had been as a teacher, that is until she revealed that her fear stemmed from my insistence she arrive on time for lessons and turn off her cell phone during class. I went from Lector to lamb in the squint of an eye and then told her, in gentle professorial tones that it was good to see her face for a change not distorted by the glow of an incoming text message.
I went home, watched Hillary Clinton on Letterman, and mused on how America and Guangzhou may be in for great change.
Feliz Año Nuevo!
Posted 6 February, 2008 in Guangzhou, Chinese Internet, The Internet, Chinese New Year, Chinese Media, 中文, Faceboook, Education in China, China Expat, American Professor in China, Chinese Festivals, Guangzhou China, Intercultural Issues, China Expats, Asia, Asian Humor, Teaching in China, China Business, 中国, Personal Notes, Confucius Slept Here, China Humor
China SEO Expert…. (3)
I am not at the top of the rankings as a Martian Search Engine (SEO) expert ( I am only 3rd), but I might be after this post! The algorithms that govern what is and is not registered by search engines like Google and Yahoo! are shape-shifters: They catalog combinations from blogs and websites that can mystify, amuse and swindle you. For example, I am #2 in Google for Adult Pampers Makers even though I can’t remember mentioning diapers on this blog. Maybe, I am too old to remember using them and too young to worry about them just yet. I believe, like Robin Williams, that diapers are like politicians and should be changed frequently because they are both full…
But, I digress…
I know about this listing because someone searched for the term, and my analytics program identified from whence they came. There are other authentic one-hit wonders for which I rank highly, though I am clueless about why people searched for them or why I showed up tops. They ALL beg for an aside, but I am resisting, thinking that you can use your imagination: Pocket Fisherman Diagram, Plentiful Breast Pictures, Professor Asshat, China Olympic Professor Blog, Hairy Chinese Women, Wedding dress Market Report in China, I had my hepatitis shot, but the test says I have no immunity, Naked nurse teaching in China, Anais Nin commerative coin, American Prostitute Self, Naked nurse teaching in starbucks china, quota of America to China, You Tube Hong Kong Free Sex Video, How culture affects the way we use utensils, and Cartoon Photos of a man being massaged among hundreds of others…
Some SEO “Experts” list some of the keywords they claim to have earned in Google’s top ten rankings. They claim that these listings attest to their prowess, and they use these words to convince you that they can move your blog, site or company into a position where you will get more hits and gain international fame and fortune. Most of the words are like the ones above.
Far too many so-called expert Chinese SEO firms prey on clients using this strategy. And most businesses, woefully unaware of SEO methods, are bilked out of thousands of dollars every year. The cost for a “hot word,” one with search results in the millions (think “Buddha,” “free buffet,” or “online video game”), is staggering: the top ten in Google is 20,000 RMB a year ($2,500 USD). A “cold word” with low search returns (think “delicious rat recipes” or “Japan learned everything it knows from the Tang dynasty”) will pull 10,000 RMB ($1,250 USD) from your wallet.
So, as an example, “China Expert SEO Consultant,” at 2 million returns, would cost you 20,000 RMB and bring you absolutely no traffic. “China SEO Expert Guangzhou” will get you two hits a day. I’m always suspect of the word “expert” anyway: In bomb school, an expert was laughingly referred to as a “former drip under pressure”–never a good thing in explosives. It was a surefire way to tell someone was not what they purported to be.
I have many great search results I’m proud of, but were someone to actually come to them, I would worry about their mental health or my ego. I am number one for “American professor” in Google, hands down, and I frequently use this in lieu of a business card when I forget one. I am also in the Google China top ten for “American blog” (out of half a billion returns) and number 1 for “handsomest American in China” (move your Canuck ass over, Da Shan!) And in all humility, I found I rank quite high for “China blog about nothing” and “Lonnie isn’t exactly the sharpest guy in the world,” which isn’t exactly what you’d want when you are trying to build up your consultant site that’s already number 1 for “china business consultant blog” in Google, Google China and Yahoo.
If you are really interested in a legitimate search engine marketing provider, drop me a note at via Culture Fish.
FYI: I am doing SEO work or global marketing lectures free for nonprofit groups or companies who agree to donate my normal fee to the China Dreamblogue project.
For a quote or a assessment of an Expert China SEO/SEM project in Guangzhou or elsewhere you may need please fill out the form below at EXPERT SEO SERVICES CHINA
Posted 25 December, 2007 in Internet marketing China, Guangzhou, SEO, SEM, Seo China, Chinese Internet, Hong Kong Stars, The Sharpest Guy on the Planet, Censorship, The Internet, Seach engine Optimization, Search Engine Marketing, China Expat, Beijing Olympics, UK SEO EXPERT, china expert seo services guangzhou, China Business Consultant, SEO China Expert, Chinese Media, 中文, American Professor in China, Guangzhou China, 中国, Greater Asia Blogs, Asia, Japan, China Expats, Asian Women, Asian Humor, China SEO, China web 2.0, Humor, China Humor, Intercultural Issues, China Editorials, Just Plain Strange, cartoons, In the news, Top Blogs, Weird China, China Olympics, China Cartoons, China Business, Gratuitous Cheesecake, Uncategorized
Ghost Whispers…. (13)
I learned today that my sister passed away. I learned over the Internet that she died in November of last year. She was much older than me and never in great health, so I had wrongfully assumed she had “crossed over” years ago. Tonight in the still heat of a stifling Guangzhou I smelled the sour scent of some hard traveled memories and heard her whisper to me….
No, we were not close. Marriage came early for her, when I was 5, and before I was developmentally mature enough to crave or mourn losses. My military family was turning corners in or out of countries every three years or so and making the word “home” an abstraction. My sister was never in our family pictures. I saw her only a few times through the years and her face in my mind’s eye is blurred. I can remember her often speaking of pain and that remains palpable.
Until tonight I had almost forgotten I had a sister. She had been adopted by my unmarried mother at birth. She saw herself later in life as a stubborn vine that connected all of us to my mother’s alcoholic ex-husband and his mistress: She was the offspring of an affair, so her past was kept secret by my simple and well-meaning parents until she was a teenager. My mother and father, emotionally unsophisticated and afraid, asked a Catholic priest to substitute for them and tell her that she was adopted. It did not go well.
I have been watching DVDs this week “expat style.” We often buy two or three seasons of a show at a time, ones we cannot watch on regular TV and then air them from beginning to end in only a few days. It is a way to keep current with our abandoned culture and remain bonded to the lexicon, fashions and familiar emotions of our birth home. This week I have been storming through two seasons of Ghost Whisperer. And I have come to love the show for its generally positive outcomes, its promotion of health through acceptance and forgiveness and its desensitization of our collective fear of the unknown.* The protagonist of the show, who can see troubled spirits, helps earthbound souls unpack the heavy emotional baggage that holds them here. She helps them release after-longing and pain from the past so they can peacefully migrate into their future. It is not a story about religion, or eschatology (life after death), but about how to live well and without regret.
My mother developed Alzheimer’s disease and never was able to finally confront the trauma of being abandoned by her impoverished mother during the Great Depression. Too, she rarely spoke about the man who had deepened her emotional wounds later in life. She did so to protect herself and to maintain some illusion of normalcy for my sister and me. There was no malice in her deception, though my sister never forgave her or my father and never found emotional nourishment that would sate the pain. Where my mother insulated herself with delusions ( and maybe her disease), my sister did so with anger and distrust. After my mother died, I read in another Internet article that my sister had embarked on a public journey to discover more about her origins. I hope to learn one day that she was successful.
I wonder if other expats learn about their vacated lives past and present as I do? I view time compressed, via boxed sets of information that arrive in emails, letters, DVD’s and Internet entries. It was almost five years ago to the day that I leaned my sister’s husband had died an improbable death: an avid outdoorsman, he had contracted Bubonic plague from an insect bite while hunting. He was the first man in America known to have succumbed to the disease in decades. He was the most gifted craftsman I have ever known, but held back from his dream of being a woodcarver and gunsmith by the needy gravity of my sister’s suffering. So, I grieved my loss and his because his short fame was only in the peculiarity of his demise. We wandering expats may seem not to care about what happens to you, but we do. I do. And I, like others, frequent the few paths we can find along time’s rivers looking for signs of you. But can be a lonely and overwhelming journey when information flows so fast from so far away.
I laugh, mourn, celebrate and educate in absentia. Memory also presents to me as a frightened bird that requires patience to keep it nearby long enough that I can study, appreciate and accept both its beauty and its flaws.
I pray that both my sister and my mother are finally at peace. I long ago forgave them for simply being human. I hope they forgave this homeless child for the manifestations of his confusion .
I am the earthbound spirit now: I am on the banks of the river, coaxing the birds and vigilantly listening for whispers….
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* In another coincidence, I was surprised to see that the crystal ball mind reader on the GW website was created by my old friend and British doppelganger Andy Naughton .