The Dream Bash (0)
CultureFish Media will host a one-day trio of charity events
Here are five ways to help the event out:
Come to the tournament and shot for one million dollars (HKD)!!
Come to the digital workshop.
Come to the night event bash with Che’nelle.
designed to raise awareness and generate funds for the China Dreamblogue and its associated charities. The three events (YOU CAN COME TO ONE OR ALL!)include:
1. A One in a Million Charity Golf Tournament,
2. The China Digital Media Workshop,
3. The China Dreambash featuring international hit singer and Capitol records artist Che’nelle.
TICKETS HERE!
Golf, Digitize, and Bash for Charity and shoot for $1,000,000(HKD) in our One in a Million Charity Daytime Golf Tournament:
The China Dreamblogue is the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) arm of CultureFish Media which seeks to create positive information about China and support educational opportunities for Chinese students.
At the fundraising tournament, which includes a one million dollar (HKD!) hole-in-one competition, the China Dreamblogue tournament will include:
- Tournament moderator: PGA pro golfer and 6-time long drive champion Paul Surniak
- A hole-in-one competition in which everyone can participate for one million dollars (HKD!)
- A cool morning tee off time
- Best ball tournament with a four-man team
- Straggler pairing—if you come alone, we’ll place you with a team
- A long drive competition
- The tournament includes caddy, cart, balls, 18 holes, and a shot at one million dollars (HKD!)
PRIZES:
- Grand Prize: 2-person trip to Hainan Island for a weekend golf tour package at famed Yaolong Bay and training from, and golfing with, PGA pro golfer Paul Surniak.
- There wil be an awards Ceremony and Dinner banquet following tournament including sponsor give-aways .
- There is also a 50% discount rate on all luxury rooms if attendees stay overnight or thru the weekend and daytime Discounted Events for non-golfers include spa treatment, saunas, kite flying, pool facilities and massage.
BUS SERVICE FROM GUANGZHOU WILL BE AVAILABLE!!
China Digital Media Workshop:
This half-day workshop will include information on digitization of press releases for professionals who work in SEO, SEM, online and traditional advertising, PR, new media, social networking, blogging, and other Internet-related businesses in China.
Topics and special features include: Myths, realities and benefits of online press releases and PR, trends in digital online ads, current trends in IWOM, reputation management: emerging trends and existing patterns
All speakers lined-up are experts in their respective fields. The awards ceremony and post-tournament banquet open to all conference participants
China Dreambash:
Capitol Records recording artist and international star Che’nelle will perform live.mYou can dance and party until you drop! 2 free drinks and discounts throughout the night with paid admission.
Discount room rates (1/2 PRICE!) will be available for workshop and tourney attendees and those who party hard.
The day of educationa and enjoyment is designed to raise awareness and generate funds for the China Dreamblogue and its associated charities. The three events (YOU CAN COME TO ONE OR ALL!)include:
1. A One in a Million Charity Golf Tournament,
2. The China Digital Media Workshop,
3. The China Dreambash featuring international hit singer and Capitol records artist Che’nelle.
Golf, Digitize, and Bash for Charity and shoot for $1,000,000(HKD) in our One in a Million Charity Daytime Golf Tournament:
The China Dreamblogue is the Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) arm of CultureFish Media which seeks to create positive information about China and support educational opportunities for Chinese students.
At the fundraising tournament, which includes a one million dollar (HKD!) hole-in-one competition, the China Dreamblogue tournament will include:
- Tournament moderator: PGA pro golfer and 6-time long drive champion Paul Surniak
- A hole-in-one competition in which everyone can participate for one million dollars (HKD!)
- A cool morning tee off time
- Best ball tournament with a four-man team
- Straggler pairing—if you come alone, we’ll place you with a team
- A long drive competition
- The tournament includes caddy, cart, balls, 18 holes, and a shot at one million dollars (HKD!)
PRIZES:
- Grand Prize: 2-person trip to Hainan Island for a weekend golf tour package at famed Yaolong Bay and training from, and golfing with, PGA pro golfer Paul Surniak.
- There wil be an awards Ceremony and Dinner banquet following tournament including sponsor give-aways .
- There is also a 50% discount rate on all luxury rooms if attendees stay overnight or thru the weekend and daytime Discounted Events for non-golfers include spa treatment, saunas, kite flying, pool facilities and massage.
BUS SERVICE FROM GUANGZHOU WILL BE AVAILABLE!!
China Digital Media Workshop:
This half-day workshop will include information on digitization of press releases for professionals who work in SEO, SEM, online and traditional advertising, PR, new media, social networking, blogging, and other Internet-related businesses in China.
Topics and special features include: Myths, realities and benefits of online press releases and PR, trends in digital online ads, current trends in IWOM, reputation management: emerging trends and existing patterns
All speakers lined-up are experts in their respective fields. The awards ceremony and post-tournament banquet open to all conference participants
China Dreambash:
Capitol Records recording artist and international star Che’nelle will perform live.mYou can dance and party until you drop! 2 free drinks and discounts throughout the night with paid admission.
Discount room rates (1/2 PRICE!) will be available for workshop and tourney attendees and those who party hard.
Offer support as a sponsor.
Can’t come? Still want to be involved? Donate 100 Yuan and someone will shoot for you for the million!!
Just sign up at CFM and we will send details on how to participate from afar…
PRICE LIST:
Tourney (Caddy, Cart, Party, Lunch, Dinner and Million Dollar Shot) 2,500 RMB
Digital Workshop: 1000 RMB (includes lunch) for those in tourney or with sponsor agency (2000 for non-sponsored)
PARTY: 300 RMB Includes two drinks
Million Dollar Hole In One Shot Only: 100 RMB
Dinner–All You Can Eat Gourmet Buffet: 330 RMB
Posted 16 April, 2008 in Chinese Media, Guangzhou, Chinese Internet, American Professor in China, China Expat, Golf Tours, China Golf, Entertainment, 中国, China Sports, China Expats, The League of Extraordinary Chinese Women, China Photos, Top Blogs, Photos, Top China Blogs List
How How Report… (3)
It is generally not my policy to hype off-topic businesses on Onemanbandwidth, but I made an exception in this case.
Ryan McLaughlin of Lost Laowai, Hao Hao Report, Dao by Design and dozens of other sites has reached back to his Canadian roots and come up with what could be a real gem of an online biz.
Following you will find excerpts from what you will soon find at Ryan McLaughlin.us. It is a refreshing change from most “Friend Finder” type sites:
BAG A CANUCK!
Have you dreamed of making love to a Canadian Guy, Aye?
Stop DREAMING and make that fantasy come true!
How to Bag a Canuck” is a 75 page e-book that tells you everything you need to find, attract and seduce a wild bacon bender from the 51st state:
- Where to find enchanting and eligible guys in wool caps in your neighborhood The names of the top ten cities in Canada and China where you are liable to meet dudes with snowshoes, eh?
- How to convince one, without illegal substances, in any country to become your personal Mountie!
- How to dress down to impress
- How to earn his admiration without looking like you are trying too hard and without having to sleep with his friends
- How to get to know him as well as the back of your snowmobile BEFORE you even think of asking him out
- How to write and compose the perfect online dating profile or letter so that he starts chasing you and not the moose in his garden
- What gifts to give him right down to the kinds of cheese and macaroni he would appreciate most
- What you need to know about her culture so that she not only accepts you as a lover but grows to share his sausages
- The Do’s and Don’ts of interracial dating and most…like not fighting over the last bag of pork rinds
- How to talk about the Canadian (ha) Military:
It doesn’t matter if the caribou lover you are longing for is a twenty year old “dog sledder” from Montreal or a 45-year-old six-time divorced business expat from mainland China. Our step-by-step guide for a first date works every time on every Canuck for every culture (and it is not the type of advice you will find in any other book!) Other books will simply give you a long list of suggestions for “creative” ideas for dates. We will tell you why the first date is no time to use your imagination! We will take you step-by-step through the entire First Date Ritual from shaving your nose hairs to how to bait a salmon rig.
In fact, this book asks you to forget everything you think you know about impressing a guy with ear flaps. We ask you to forget your creativity (which just looks like blundering around to a Canuck) and all of your preconceptions (which just looks like racism) by revealing:
- The one most important quality that Canadian guys revere in a partner: body heat
- The all-time worst thing you can do to turn him off in your initial email or communication: insult his dog
- The one physical gesture that will inspire him to have complete confidence in you: OK, now stand back up….
- Why your sense of humor may not seem so charming to him. How to avoid old jokes like What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common? Answer: The taste
Nobody understands snow fever better than the author who knows exactly how unbearable unrequited desire can be! The symptoms include anxiety, restlessness, a preoccupation with Nanook, Sgt. Preston and a longing to tussle between the sheets with a guy wearing walrus boots.
HOW TO DATE A NORTHER (Bag a Canuck) shows you how to understand each and every type of ice grinder – from the mildest to wildest and how they have learned to manipulate those stereotypes to drive you crazy with lust!
Although these men seem mysterious and complex, we will tell you the simple secrets (some of them based on ancient wisdom from his culture like how to make wine in a garbage bag) that will tame these proud beasties and have them eating out of your hand—not that its so unusual, but…. Much of it will surprise you! This book gets right into the psychological blubber of how to seduce him including the most important-
- G (Goose) Spot!
- How to honor every single part of his body from beaver pelt to wool socks including his hair, his neck, his eyes, his hairy, bejeweled lips, his breasts, his muzzle loader, his arms, his legs etc. and capture his love, devotion and sexual lack of imagination forever.
Nowhere, not in a bookstore, on the Internet or anywhere in Ontario will you find a book on how to seduce and bag a backwoodsman as thoroughly, safely (like jumpin’nekked over a bear trap) and psychologically intriguing as this one!
Knowing everything about him, from parka to pup tent, is one of the secrets to unleashing the passionate potential that you just know is lurking inside the Canuck that you meet in every day life — that mild-mannered Canadian that you see working as a Oral (he he) English Teacher or that gorgeous guy sleeping on the park bench. Or perhaps you simply catch a glimpse of a photograph online that simply makes you hold your breath (and maybe something else!)
Stop jerking around and get real about taking the steps necessary to find the hoser of your dreams! We will feel confident about saying that because we know that is exactly what you are doing rather than grasping the fact that a future with a real flesh and blood socialist is completely possible. Keep in mind too that this book was written by someone who understands you and why you may be so much at the mercy of these gorgeous creatures that you can’t seem to find the nerve to take those all important first steps towards promoting yourself as the lunker of his dreams!
- Do Canadians seem mysterious to you? Unattainable or even too good for you?
- Do you surf for wildlife anime as a substitute for a real sexual experience?
- Do Canadians constantly blow you right off when you try to approach them?
There is just no reason to go on single when you can learn to tell jokes like this:
Cold enough, aye?:
0 Fahrenheit (10 C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.
40 Fahrenheit (4.4 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Canadians Sunbathe.
35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian Cars won’t start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32 Fahrenheit (0 C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.
0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-40 Fahrenheit (-40 C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canadians rent some videos.
-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mt. St. Helen’s freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100 Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
Canadians pull down their earflaps.
-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.
-459.4 Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying “Cold enough for ya? ”
-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Leafs win the Cup
You will learn the most important Canadian Holidays:
12-> Lawyers Day
11-> Start of Christmas Season Day
10-> False Labour Day
9-> Make a Move on Your Secretary Day
8-> Hallmark Card Day
7-> Bring Your Handgun to Work Day
6-> Cretienmas or Gomery Inquiry Day
5-> Deadbeat Father’s Day
4-> Bad Hair Day
3-> Doris Day
2-> St. Hooter’s Day
1-> Hash Wednesday
You will learn the subtle differences in speech that will arouse your mate.
You will hear the intonations that make Black pepper, white pepper and toilette pepper unique.
As someone who loves guys from the territories, women you know that they sexually supreme beings who are just as fierce and erotic as the characters you see in Call of the Wild, Norbet Does saskatecewan Sasketchuan, sacatchyouone, Ontario, the silver screen, Northwest Outpost, and Classics illustrated comic books. ..
This book also teaches you the secrets of coming onto him without appearing like a player or a racist including advice on:
- Common Canuck customs : You won’t actually have to light your farts, but it helps to know the customs…
- How to get him to see you as a movie star like Jeanette McDonald…
- How to win the approval of her family: bring Lablatts and act as though you “get” the commercials when they air…
Stop dreaming and make it a reality.
Download coming soon!
Posted 31 March, 2008 in april fools joke, The Sharpest Guy on the Planet, 中国, 中文, China Expat, Ryan Mclaughlin, Asian Dating Site, 中原, Internet Dating, Just Plain Strange, Asian Humor, China Humor, Humor, China Expats, Intercultural Issues, Weird China, China Photos, Expats, China web 2.0
Knowing nothing…. (17)
Sorrow makes us all children again….
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Yesterday, I judged applicants seeking a place on the college debate team. All of them risked a memory of failure and gave of themselves in earnest to become better as scholars, speakers and friends of their own success. And I was tasked with deciding which of these students, all of whom I admire and unavoidably care for, would be asked to sit out their desire.
I don’t agree that learning through failure is a required part of any student’s curriculum. They are not employees, they are children orphaned to astonishment, passion and fear. They begin their short orbits in a new life surrounded by teachers–who can, with a single touch or softly spoken word, change their paths forever. Sometimes.
I can remember hundreds of my students; I can tell you where many of them sat in classrooms that may no longer even exist. I can tell you how lightly or heavily my pen fell upon names on the final grade report and why I judged them as I did…
I remember most, those students who replenished my love for teaching when I had lost the courage to further their goals or provoke a hint of change. Tonight, I am at an intersection of rage and bewilderment because one of those precious few chose to fall away from us so fast that no one could react in time to catch her.
A thespian, scholar, and delightful master of the ascerbic, she was one of the original founders and ideas makers for the Blog of Dreams. She was accepted to study in America, but denied a visa because of the immigration status problems inherent in acceptance to the Disney Internship Program where she spent a summer. She was subsequently denied a visa to attend Cornell, but kept her suitcase packed with dreams of travel and learning. I don’t know what changed or what could have tempted her to change her plans.
Dear Defiant Chennie,
I am a child again tonight. I want so much to believe that I misunderstood the news of your death. I want to wish your awkward avalanches of laughter back to invoke the best in me again. I want you to give us all another chance to raise your inner landscape high enough to break your fall.
Your teacher knows nothing, but this: You are now without passports, beyond borders And I hope you are on to some new opportunity, guided now by accomplished, and enduring angels.
.
Posted 21 March, 2008 in Macau University of Science and Technology, Chinese Education, 澳门科技大学, Chennie Xue, Heartsongs, 中国, Asian Women, Teaching in China, China Photos, Uncategorized
GOLF IN CHINA (1)
Now that several Chinese universities are requiring law and business students to take golf lessons to prepare them for the western practice of locker-room deal making, more golf courses are cropping up in China and they are absolutely among the world’s biggest and best.
Sanya, China which is the annual host
to the Miss World Pageant, is also the home of the Yaolong Bay club where a European Tour event is played yearly. But, China’s Hawaii has nothing comparable in size and grandeur to facilities like Mission Hills on the mainland.
Mission Hills Stretches across he cities of Shenzhen and Dongguan, only 90 minutes from my home in Guangzhou ad just across the border from Hong Kong. Mission Hills is the World’s largest golf club. Designed by 12 world-renowned golf legends such as the Golden Bear, V.J. Singh, Greg Norman, and others. It’s an international golf community that combines sport with relaxation, business and luxury lifestyle options at very affordable prices.
At Mission Hills there are a 2,000 female caddies (and 1,000 security personnel to protect them), Asia’s largest pro shop, night golf! and the world’s biggest clubhouse in addition to breathtaking courses that are playable by newcomers as well as professionals.
There are courses along the Great Wall and one even so high in the Himalayas that you can hit a ball by pitching wedge into another country.
Doing business in China just got a lot more fun!
The China Dreamblogue is sponsoring a trip to Mission Hills to raise much needed funds. Check out our listing on e-Bay
Posted 23 December, 2007 in China Golf, Golf Tours, China Business Consultant, Tibet, China Photos, China Business
Zaijian…. (46)
Books have been virtually replaced by blogs. But, puns aside, many of them showcase the transformative elements Pablo Neruda* suggests as essential to written art in Ars Magnetica:
“From so much loving and journeying, books emerge.
And if they don’t contain kisses or landscapes,
if they don’t contain a woman in every drop,
hunger, desire, anger, roads,
there are no use as a shield or as a bell:
they have no eyes and won’t be able to open them….”
Here I have I have tried to smooth the stubble of memory, share poetry, attempt humor, journal my social conscience, and reconcile my longings while shoutng to you in some far-off room. I leave here absolutely bewildered that anyone, other than my long-suffering friends, ever returned to listen. I am grateful you did.
(more…)
Posted 2 August, 2007 in Entertainment, Guangzhou, Travel in China, New Blogs, The Great Firewall, Guangzhou China, The Sharpest Guy on the Planet, Censorship, China Book Reviews, Charity in China, Beijing Olympics, China Law, UK SEO EXPERT, China Business Consultant, American Professor in China, 中文, Chinese Education, Hainan Island, 中国, In the news, Expats, Teaching in China, China Editorials, Intercultural Issues, China Expats, Hong Kong, China Humor, Hong Kong Blogs, China Cartoons, China Business, Confucius Slept Here, Just Plain Strange, Photos, Weird China, China Photos, Cancer Journal, American Poet in China, The Unsinkable Ms Yue, China web 2.0
It is OMBW’s Free Degree Day! (4)
Tired of no respect? Weary of fellow Airport Security officers ribbing you for taking vocational education all five years of High School? Do you think George Bush could beat you on Scrabulous? The answer for you is here today on OMBW!
Get instant respect from the school and for no money!!!
There is one small catch. You need to pass this simple test:
1. What stands out in this picture from an Internet advertised English Training school (移动英语—沟天下 易如反掌) I discovered today on the Chinese net (YES, REALLY!): MOBILE SCHOOL
If you answered, “David quit dyeing his hair!” you are on your way to a new and profitable career as a China fake-goods spotter. That alone will save you tons of dough on eBay and Craigslist!*
Now the tough one:
2.What is unusual about the school’s certificate of appointment from Harvard University?
If you answered, “There weren’t three Decembers in 2004!” you are almost there!**
Last question: Why do they call it the Mobile training center?
And if you answered, “Where the hell is stuff I paid for?” you can download your Jiade diploma right now:
*Harry?
**Chinglish in the citation…and Harvard has a Principal?
Posted 30 July, 2007 in 中国, In the news, Photos, Chinese Internet, Internet marketing China, Education in China, 中文, Chinese Media, Just Plain Strange, Personal Notes, Asian Humor, China Humor, Humor, Teaching in China, China Editorials, Weird China, China Photos, China Business, China web 2.0
I Love China and other finds… (3)
Blogroll diving today I discovered I Love China written by a 8-year tenured British Expat in Shanghai. His is a diary from one of the faithful: He is as cyclothymic/manic-depressive as the rest of us, but he states that the norm for him is a genuine appreciation for the language, culture and heart of this country; hence, the blog’s name. He must be a good guy: he has Waiter Rant on his blogroll to balance out the Time Blog entry.
I found a wonderful picture on his site of a phenomenon so common here I forget how much of a novelty it might be for my western readers.
You see, In China one can own a 3,000,000 Yuan house in an “exclusive” complex that comes with all the amenities EXCEPT a clothes dryer. Every balcony in my neighborhood has skivvies to dress shirts hanging out to dry–damned tough some days when it is 97 degrees and 80 percent humidity.
Most “high-rent” locales like mine (a wallet-slamming $300 a month!) have a special porch area that is partially hidden from view so the neighbors don’t get to peek at your delicates. It is essential because locating a washer-dryer combination in a household appliances section of a mallin China is like finding chicken feet in the snack section of an American 7-11. I Love China snapped this shot in Shanghai:
For the record: The web-footed one’s carcass and the adjacent slabs of meat are, thankfully, not real common in my neighborhood.
I am guessing that the drawback here wold be that in a steady wind the unmentionables could end up smelling like pork or duck. Then again that could be an aphrodisiac in Canton, but I digress….
Posted 24 July, 2007 in The Internet, 中国, Blogroll Diving, 中文, Shanghai, China Expat, Top Blogs, Photos, Asia, China Humor, China Expats, Intercultural Issues, Confucius Slept Here, China Photos, Humor
Rats off a sinking ship: Yum! (2)
The weather widget on my Mac says it is 97 degrees here in Guangzhou, but “feels like 107.” Who writes their copy? I think it would be a lot more descriptive, and accurate, to say: “97, but feels like you are clothed snorkeling in a sauna.” It has rained daily and the humidity is malleable. But, somehow I think we in Guangzhou have it better than the folks in Anhui and other areas experiencing torrential rains and home-destroying floods.
Guangdong residents have found a bizarre pot of gold at the end of the intermittent rainbows: Rats! They are being brought in by the truck-load especially from central China, where 2 billion of them (did someone really count?) were displaced when a lake flooded.
The reason for jubilation?: “Rat Banquets!!” Rat vendors (I am in the market for one of their business cards) are making huge money on the fabled eating habits of the Cantonese. I have lived here long enough to attest that it is not a myth when they claim these folks will eat anything that does not eat them first, or objects that they have to fly in or sit on…
The rats, reportedly NOT the bad bug-ridden rascals from Hunan where they are part of a crop-destroying plague, go for about 75 cents US for a kilogram to the buyers and fetch about $18 USD in the restaurants. The rat-catchers near the lake can haul in 150 KG a night and make about $10.00 USD. That is pretty good money in central China.
The oddest part–if there can be any quantifying– of the CNN story is that this new wave of furry fare is plentiful, not because of the lake, but due a lack of critter-chasing snakes and owls that the Cantonese love to include in their food and medicine.
Joyful Guangzhou netizens are now posting rat recipes on their blogs.
Yum.
P.S. Speaking of Guangzhou: Here is a site with some amazing 3-D maps of “home”…
Posted 16 July, 2007 in Chinese Internet, The Internet, Guangzhou China, Guangzhou, Chinese Medicine, 中文, Travel in China, 中国, In the news, China Business, China Editorials, Intercultural Issues, China Photos, Weird China, Photos, Just Plain Strange, Asia
It is OMBW’s Free Degree Day! (2)
Tired of no respect? Weary of fellow Airport Security officers ribbing you for taking vocational education all five years of High School? Do you think George Bush could beat you on Scrabulous? The answer for you is here today on OMBW!
Get instant respect from the school and for no money!!!
There is one small catch. You need to pass this simple test:
1. What stands out in this picture from an Internet advertised English Training school (移动英语—沟天下 易如反掌) I discovered today on the Chinese net (YES, REALLY!): MOBILE SCHOOL
If you answered, “David quit dyeing his hair!” you are on your way to a new and profitable career as a China fake-goods spotter. That alone will save you tons of dough on eBay and Craigslist!*
Now the tough one:
2.What is unusual about the school’s certificate of appointment from Harvard University?
If you answered, “There weren’t three Decembers in 2004!” you are almost there!**
Last question: Why do they call it the Mobile training center?
And if you answered, “Where the hell is stuff I paid for?” you can download your Jiade diploma right now:
Posted 13 July, 2007 in 中国, In the news, Photos, Chinese Internet, Internet marketing China, Education in China, 中文, Chinese Media, Just Plain Strange, Personal Notes, Asian Humor, China Humor, Humor, Teaching in China, China Editorials, Weird China, China Photos, China Business, China web 2.0
What would Buddha do? (3)
Several years ago, attending a Jimmy Buffet concert with a Catholic priest (Indian trail, NC, not Margaritaville) , we were discussing ways to raise money for his new parish. In neighboring Georgia a woman was drawing huge crowds claiming to see incarnations of the Virgin Mary. So, we laughingly concocted a never-to-be scheme that involved catching and releasing a trout on the church property that we would say bore some saint’s likeness on its its tail. We would then put donation baskets all up and down the creek. It was sacrilegious, but damned funny anyway.
A few years later I visited Shingo, Japan where they claim to have Christ and his brother buried on a hill above town. Jesus, according to local mythology, let his brother take his place on the cross and then went to rural Japan and retired to a happily married life in the sticks. Surprisingly, there was no marketing involved anywhere near the grave site.
Please bear with me as this all comes together for you in the usual intuitive flash at the end…
I just read a delightful book first printed in 1999 entitled What would Buddha Do? by Franz Metcalf. The pocket-sized tome is rife with well thought out answers to a host of everyday questions, some that made me laugh out loud:
1. What would Buddha do if his credit cards are maxed out?
2. What would Buddha do when making a salad?
3. What would Buddha do to avoid burnout?
4. What would Buddha do about trusting the media?
The answer to last question can be found in the Buddhist writing Undanavarga 22.17: “One’s ears hear a lot; one’s eyes sees a lot. The wise should not believe everything seen or heard.” Buddha must read the China Daily too, where I found the picture above. It seems Buddha hung around for about an hour on Heibei’s Zushan Mountain, but unlike the manifestations in Georgia, he didn’t impart any wisdom to the local tourists.
In another book I reviewed recently, One Couple, Two Cultures, there was a story about a British man and his Chinese wife discussing behavior common in each other’s country. The wife seemed to have no trouble commenting on behalf of the entire 1.3 billion residents of China, while the Brit’ demured on speaking for the whole of England. I can with absolute certainty say that had the Buddha appeared in Stone Mountain Park, Georgia, that every redneck (remember before you shoot that my father hailed from Harlan County, Kentucky), instead of burning him as a heretic would have tried to sell him on Ebay. I still remember the eerie glow-in-the-dark St. Joseph that watched over me as a child sleeping in the dark.
Now I’m not sure what made them think it was Buddha and not Mother Theresa, Confucius, or Steve Irwin. But I continue to digress…
What surprised me the most is that nobody is now selling watches of Buddha waving from the peak or claiming to have private chats with Gautama himself. Another missed marketing opportunity for China. David and I are thinking about sorting through seaweed potato chips until we come up with some that look like Sun Yat Sen or Lao Zi. We promise to donate all proceeds (and extra chips) to charity.
So what would Buddha do if Buddha were alive today? I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be standing around in the Heibei fog, though he might possible blog a few meditations–using a wordpress platform, of course. So I’m off to see if WWBD-in-canton.com is taken. This way, we can answer the pressing questions like:
1. What would Buddha do if someone stole a taxi out from under his nose?
2. What would Buddha do if someone took the food from his plate at a Cantonese buffet?
3. What would Buddha do if he found out he were watching a bootleg copy of Seven Years in Tibet?
4. What would Buddha say if his disciples kept commenting on his weight and skin color?
Now I’m getting ready to read Metcalf’s answer to “What would Buddha Do about that Coffee Habit?” If this post isn’t a call for my spiritual rehab or caffeine detox, I don’t know what is.